Unwanted Attention At The Watering Hole

The wonderous thing about David Attenborough shows is that thanks to his friendly, affirming voice and excellent scripts, he paints a very human picture of the animal kingdom. From a newborn's first, tentative steps, through playfulness, courage and affection we feel compelled not to see these animals as mere organisms but characters in a drama. Inevitably however comes the discussion of courtship and here his light hearted observations provide a whimsical note to the aggressive males, baying and flaunting attempting to woo the often none too impressed female.

If this anecdote seems thus far bemusing in the context of a music blog, my point is this. You could take the footage of beasts at the watering hole, replace it with certain night clubs round the city and this voice over would still work perfectly well. Thanks to my various reviews, I've been at quite a few clubs far less drunk than the average participant and I've been a little shocked by some of the tactics employed from guys trying to get girls. At this point, I'll quite happily admit that there is nothing wrong with going out, on the pull, regardless of your gender but what bemused me is the voracious level that some men employ in an attempt to try and snag a female.

Having grown up going to gigs filled with moshpits and a rolling sea of bodies, I accept that you might not be able to have the same level of personal space available to you in a club, but it seems that some blokes take this coincidental contact as a come on. The resultant grope, while often clumsy is also particular forward, forgoeing a brush of the hands in favour of a rather hard squeeze on the arse or in some cases, simply shoving a hand up the unexpectant girls skirt. If you did something like that in the street, it'd be sexual assault but thanks to the accidental proximity some seem to think that this is entirely acceptable.

Just because a girl goes out in something where her knees are showing doesn't automatically mean that she's looking for the sweaty mitts of every testosterone heady male to be thrust in her general direction. If your dancing happily with another person (not merely grinding and gurning on them without their knowledge) and fancy spicing things up then as long as they're fine with it, eat your heart out. What's not fine is lunging in the direction of anything lacking a penis with hands outstretched just because you think, even though she's not chosen to talk to you she's probably cool with it cause she's not in a woolly jumper.

Beyond the mere groping, what puzzles me perhaps more is guys who size up and in some cases attempt to psych out a couple in the belief that the guy will somehow back off so you can have your go. I've had situations where a bloke has come up to a girlfriend, ostensibly ignoring me and trying to dance with her instead. Heaven forbid someone is actually left alone when friends or partners go to the toilet, in which case it's perfectly acceptable to try and chat them up (or in one particularly pathetic and seedy case, ask if you like the friend who's too scared to come over themself).

I'm sure some reading this will at this point object to some idea of prudishness, which I'd wholeheartedly reject. Whatever you choose to do with someone on a dance floor is entirely your choice, so long as both of you are happy with it. If they say no, don't limply shuffle after them in case they change their mind, and if they are already with someone, presume they are happy rather than desparate to spring free into your clutches. Personally I quite like the rules at private club, Kuku Club which states that: 'Gentlemen will not introduce themselves to ladies. Ladies, feel free to start a conversation or ask the bartender to introduce you. If a man you do not know speaks to you, please lift your chin slightly and ignore him.'

 If your going out on the pull, be respectful of those your trying to chat up and don't presume that a girl needs to slap you in the face to feel unhappy with your actions. If your trying to pull, putting out a little less unwanted aggressive attention will also probably serve you far better in the end!